Labels

Good when organizing...
Bad when categorizing or judging!

My favorite store is Staples and I love to get containers and typically have my house organized with labels for everything. So don't get me wrong, I believe labeling is an essential part of life. What I do not agree with orlike is when we label people.

I have been reading a book written by Lysa Terkeurst titled Unglued.  I have not yet finished the book but two things stand out in my mind  She speaks of changing our thought patterns and how brain research shows how our conscious thoughts are recorded in our internal hard drive (our brain). When we experience a thought over and over again the thought, and reaction, is deepened in our brain which is why we often react the same way to certain situations. And with each repetition the trace gets deeper. Becoming aware of our responses to emotion can help us to change the reaction. As Lysa shares in her book “we won’t develop new responses until we develop new thoughts”. A scripture she shared enforces God’s encouragement of this process:

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing, and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

Another piece of her book speaks of us being prisoners to labels. She was in Florence, Italy and went to see David by Michelangelo. I regret not taking the time to see this sculpture when I was in Italy but now have a new reason to travel there again. She explains that Michelangelo is reported to have said, “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free” when asked about the sculpture. But along the way in there is a piece called Prisoners. It was blocks of stone of half-completed figures. Not yet chiseled to perfection and she relates this to her life and this spoke to me immensely. We will never be chiseled to perfection until we give up the labels placed on us by ourselves and by others. 

I am a gay man and people may disagree but I do not go out advertising I'm gay because I believe that I'd rather people get to know me for me and not make aby judgement or categorize me before they get to know my personality. I have heard people say that you can tell I'm gay when you  meet me and others say they never knew. I never act differently so I guess it is true that people see different things and have different perceptions.  My one friend used to introuce me as "his gay friend". That drove me crazy. I couldn't figure out if he did that becasuse he didn't want people to think he was gay if they thought I was and he was hanging out with me or if he just did it for other reasons. I think it's the one I suspect. What hurt me though is I never knew if he was embarraased because I was gay or just insecure about himself. But I believe that who someone sleeps with or loves is not really the first thing that should be introduced about a person. There are so many more interesting characteristics about me I'd rather people remember me for like the fact that I like to play softball or love going out to eat, or that I'm a caring, optimistic and giving person. 

It seems people categorize others based on their actions and once someone gets labeled that is how they are known even hough that may only be a small part of who they are or a part ofhem that is no longer true. I was a crystal meth addcit. I didn't start using drugs until late in life and beforehand actually was very successful, led many community organizations, was a youth minister with my church and tried to make a differece in people's lives for the better. but once I became an addict, my family, old friends, and others now know me as an addict or "meth head". They seem to forget all of the other accomplishments in my life even years after I stopped using meth. The first time I look dissheveled, or sound down, or don't do something they feel is 'risht' they assume I am using again. It's ilke you get one chance to fuck things up and when you do thecre isn't a chance to change (at least in people's lives that knew you before you fought back to start living again). 

I have worked  hard to get to  where I am today. Granted it is far from where I once was when it came to money, clothes, a nice home, etc. But although I struggle financially and don't have the material items I once did I think I am a stronger, better person becasue of what I have been through. I have learned to look at  life differently and have more compassion for those that I see struggling in life (people I would have labeled many years ago and judged). 

Each morning I do a gratitude journal (well, I ueed to but need to get back into the habit) and part of the journal I list three affirmations for myself to remind myself that deespite what others may think or say about me I have solid and positive qualities that I possess and that I am not the same person I once was when I was living life in addiction. I know parents try to affirm their children each day to build self-confidence and that is something thaat gets lost as we get older and deal with other people's judgements. I have learned that reminding myself of the positivie qualities I have each morniung I am able to more easily smile throughout the day and try to pass on those qualities to others.

Your past does not define who you are today. We have become the people we are today because of our experiences in the past buwe are continuously evolving into better versions of ourselves. It is easier when we have loved ones to encourage and support us but if you don't then you just have to work a little harder to remind yourself and work to be the person you want to be. It’s not always easy but it is doable. Never underestimate the strength you have within you. God would never give you more than you can handle even though it may seem like way too much it isn’t. Shed the labels people put on you and the ones you put on yourself and just be you. By doing this I’m able to experience God’s grace and find the strength to overcome anything.  Life is not all that bad when we look around us and recognize the blessings God has placed in our lives and accept them. But no one is going to care for me more than me and it’s time I became me – an unglued mess – but me!